Thoughts on Rails

Riding the Train of Thought

Are you really ready for the truth?

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Really?

Really really?

I still am not convinced!

Yup, we are so used to little lies and excuses to protect us from the hard truth out there. It begins with things as small as answer to “How are you?”, a question we use so often, most of us have a muscle memory response ready for it. “I’m fine!” Of course we all are just fine in our little cocoons with a nearly impenetrable layer of lies to protect ourselves from the reality.

Take for example the much cliched “Do I look fat in this?”, you wouldn’t want to hear “Uh… yes, try something else.”, even if it would actually be more useful than “Of course not! You look fabulous!”

What about the eternal wondering of some bloke scared to ask a girl out. “Does she like me?” For all that I know, most people would rather live with the question than hear the truth – which could be good or bad for their hearts.

Some of you know I’ve changed bit by bit over the years. I was one of those really timid kind of guys. Any of my old friends will testify to this. I once spent five years hoping to tell a girl that I liked her (yeah, school crush)… and never had the guts to do it. Five years is a long time. I could had either spent good time with this girl or met someone who reciprocated the feelings! But no, I was willing to let the sword of uncertainty hang over that lone fiber of hope than let it fall and be sure of the situation.

I was not ready for the truth.

Somewhere down the years, I realized I was wasting my time like an idiot. No, it was worse… I was wasting my own _and_ other people’s time wondering about their thoughts and intentions instead of being open about it. I decided to change this, it took a lot of time to have the guts to ask a girl who was talking about something while being rather too nice… “Are you saying you like me?” to writing a bunch of poems and gifting them to someone who I really admire, to having a pretty girl actually say that she likes me! Things have definitely changed. But I still have lots to improve upon. However, I’m better than before… and happy about that.

I’ve learned to take business rejections as well as emotional rejections as a part of progress. (An email just came in, “Sorry, but we’re hiring someone else.” — my bad, forgot to follow up. Won’t be an idiot next time.) Learn from the mistakes, try to be better next time around. But nevertheless, that knot in the stomach on realizing something you hoped for, something you loved won’t last anymore still hurts. I’ve come up with a way to deal with that knot in the stomach – put it in an imaginary blender made of new ideas. New ideas, new thoughts, new plans… get up and get going. You won’t have the time to realize when you left the sorrows behind 😉

This works most of the times, not always. It feels great to break out of the cocoon of lies and fly around wherever I wish…

I fly, even when I know that I’m not ready for all the truth out there.

So, are you ready?

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Written by hiway

February 6, 2011 at 2:20 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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