Thoughts on Rails

Riding the Train of Thought

Insure your heart against heartbreaks.

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To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around your hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. — C. S. Lewis (The Four Loves, chapter 6)

Such potent words. They stand to mean a lot of things to a lot of people, each according to their current affliction.  When you look at the world around you, there are so many things you wish would happen according to your wishes and will. And when something seems to be working out – it is only natural to feel attached to it. As if destiny was pulling strings to make it happen. You fall in love with your little project, the next big thing – you believe – that will take over the Internet. Or maybe you fall in love with your new pet. That beautiful motorcycle you earned your way to. Of that special person whose mere mention makes you smile, gives you warmth from deep within. 

We can not be happy and not love. Even the greediest person who shuns all relations will be in love with power, fame and money. It’s only a matter of time before some of these people and things that we consider unbreakable start to crumble. Right before your eyes, they become something else. They cease to exist. Pets, inevitably die. Projects eat into their budgets and are cut short. Motorcycles though among the more rugged beasts, suffer, fail. People… well, people change, sometimes for no reason at all.

Chaos sets in. Time levels everything. All your hopes and dreams are crushed. You are left heartbroken. Wondering what went wrong. You mind starts more sentences with “If only…” and all of them lead to more heartache. You spend days recovering. You eat your friend’s heads out, moping over the past. Over time you cope and recover.

Beyond this point, we see two common reactions. Some promise to themselves, “never again” and some others promise themselves “it will be better this time”. More often than not, failure in my projects has driven me to try bigger and more challenging projects. Losing a pet/loved one has left a void, but I’ve never failed to appreciate life nonetheless. My motorcycle recently threw the biggest tantrum so far, I managed to fix her on the road, later got a complete overhaul done. Love, hmm… let’s see, I’m still to face that. Not too keen on adding that experience here 😛

But if that does happen, I know I’ll probably be spewing crappy poetry all over the blog, tweet how I’m really depressed for a few days and be done with it. Or maybe I’ll cope better. If anything, it won’t change the person that I am. If only, it will make me a better person.

Thoughts gathered over past few months, I lost my pet cat. Had bike troubles. Shut down my hobby project – hiwaybot. Moved to a new city for work and love. Reading the above passage really touched me deeply. Could I ever close myself and become the person whose heart cannot be broken? Never! 

I will always face the world with an vulnerable heart. That’s the only way I know.
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Written by hiway

December 20, 2011 at 6:02 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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